AngelRose Read online

  AngelRose

  Ash Night

  For Alyssa, who helped me when I was at my lowest

  Copyright © 2014 by Ash Night

  All rights reserved.

  Cover design by Margo Wiessman

  Book design by Ash Night

  No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means including information storage and retrieval systems, without permission in writing from the author. The only exception is by a reviewer, who may quote short excerpts in a review.

  Chapter 1

  The voice was finally quiet… I angrily slashed out the sentence I had just written. I hadn’t been able to write all night. It was now 2:00am. The red numbers on the clock glowed satanically, reminding me I had to get up for school in about five hours. I slammed my notebook shut and crawled into bed. The white diamonds on my key heart necklace shined in the full moon as I inspected it.

  I had gotten the necklace a little after my sixth birthday. It had been the last present under the tree Christmas morning. No one had known where it came from. All that came with it was a simple white gold-embroidered card. In heavy, black letters, undoubtedly written in permanent marker, it read:

  A gift for you from the bottom of my heart

  Love forever and always, E

  My mom had panicked and called the police, but even they couldn’t figure out who sent it. There was no one in the house. None of the exits showed any signs of a break-in. My phantom secret Santa was still a mystery twelve years later. Since then I’d received no further contact from the mysterious E.

  The necklace was very special. It gave me strange, exciting dreams about a nameless boy with a mess of shaggy black hair and deep violet eyes. He was like a Gothic hero out of a romance novel.

  From the dreams, I came up with Eli Cross. Eli Cross was like the sibling I never had. He spoke when I wrote. He came alive.

  Except right now he wasn’t talking. I bet if I played some music he’d talk. I wrote better, and he spoke better, when I was listening to music.

  I lay in bed for two hours before I could fall asleep.

  That’s when he showed up. He was on AngelRose castle, on a ledge, in the rain, the sky the color of his eyes. Thunder boomed all around him and lightening flashed behind him, outlining his silhouette perfectly and bringing out the color of his eyes. He was wearing his trademark gray jacket, unzipped, and ink-black jeans. Even though he was hundreds of feet in the air, his hands were in his pockets. The height didn’t affect him at all. He was at home on top of the castle.

  He turned and grinned at me. “Come. Come away with me to AngelRose, Zoey. We can live there forever where time stands still.”

  I stared. This was the first time I’d ever heard him speak, but it was the exact same as the voice I gave Eli Cross whenever he spoke inside my mind. The boy’s voice was silky smooth, not marred by the awkwardness of adolescence.

  When I finally could think straight enough to form an actual sentence, nothing came out. I felt like I was shouting to be heard over the crash of thunder, but no sound came out. He mouthed something and, even though I’d never been very good at lip-reading, I understood him perfectly:

  I’ll be waiting for you, Zoey. Forever and always.

  Chapter 2

  “I shouldn’t have asked her to come! Dammit! How could I be so stupid?” I paced, running my slender fingers through my hair. “Maybe she’ll never find this place…”

  But you want her to come. You want her here. You need her here. Think of how lonely the rest of you days will be without her. The voice like a cool, dark wind said in my head.

  “But at least she’ll be free!” I shouted back. My real voice echoed throughout the castle, reminding me of how alone I really was. My lanky black cat, Sky, curled around my legs and her purring calmed me. She stared up at me with her big, blue eyes. I picked her up and held her to my chest, feeling her heartbeat thumping against my sternum.

  You need her. You won’t survive without her. The voice answered.

  “Maybe I don’t want to survive…” I muttered sadly into Sky’s soft fur. She rubbed her cheek against my neck and purred. “You’re right, Sky. I have to survive. After all, who’s gonna feed you?” I chuckled, setting her down. “Come on, pal. Let’s get something to eat.” Sky followed at my feet as we walked to the kitchen. I imagined a spicy grilled chicken sandwich with mayonnaise, a slice of tomato, and lettuce for me and a simple grilled chicken breast for Sky. The delicious spices wafted through the air. I sat down to eat while Sky hopped up on the table to enjoy her meal. I imagined a glass of milk for me as well and a small saucer for her.

  After I ate, I went to my room. My grand piano sat like a lonely child waiting to be played with. I sat down. The haunting melody that flowed out of my heart, through my fingertips, and into the piano drifted and echoed throughout the hallways, a reflection of my soul. The pull of the music was so strong my fingers moved faster and faster until the piano was screaming with angry tones as I destroyed the beautiful melody. Tears pricked at my eyes.

  What if Zoey never got to hear this piece? The one I made for her, and her alone. I would never get to share my world with her, all because of my desire to keep her safe. While I was here, slowly going out of my mind, she would remain in her safe little world. I needed her here, but I knew I could never have her. She had someone else. I was doomed to live in AngelRose for the rest of eternity, alone, watching the girl I loved most grow up and marry another man. I would remain the same. Never growing older. Never happy. Never finding someone to love me. Not the way Zoey did.

  But that's what AngelRose does. It keeps you apart from what you loved most and leaves you broken, but unable to die. I looked down at my wrist, the cuts I'd made in an attempt to end my suffering. None of it had worked. I was still here. I was still alone.

  I shook my head. I had to get my mind off things. I walked down the hall to my stage room. This was my favorite room in the whole castle. It was dimly lit with a writing desk and a small stage in the back corner. I used this room to write the dark fantasies that plagued my mind. I'd written hundreds of plays involving tragic romances.

  Another play had popped into my head a few days ago and I'd spent hours working on it. I'd tried writing the ending dozens of times, but could never get it right. Playing Zoey's song had given me an idea. I scribbled away at the sheets of paper furiously.

  I'd done it. My greatest work was finished. A rare smile danced on my lips. I sat there and closed my eyes. I decided to see what Zoey was up to.

  Peering into her mind, I saw she was asleep. She was dreaming about me. I smiled. Whenever she dreamt about me, it meant she would wake up and write about me in the morning.

  I watched her in the dream. She was being chased by Shadows. I leapt in front of her and growled. The Shadows fled in an instant. I grinned as she hugged me. Her touch was angel soft. I stroked her hair. She was shaking.

  "It's okay, Zoey. I promise."

  I came to with a start as the dream started to fade. Oh no, she was waking up! I'd never been inside her mind while she was just waking up. Before I could pull out of her mind, she woke up enough to look up at the window.

  She thought she saw me.

  "Okay, Sky, she thought she saw me at her window and now she's even more convinced I'm real. What do I do?" I paced back and forth in the graveyard of AngelRose. Sky was perched on a tombstone. She meowed at me. "I don't know either, buddy." I scratched her behind her ears.

  You got what you wanted. She'll come now. The voice said.

  "Shut up!" I yelled at the black sky. The weather in AngelRose was deeply connected to my mood. The sun hadn't shined in two days. That was fine with me. I wasn't in a sun-shiny mood.

  Rain started drizzling down and
I stood in it, letting it soak my clothes. If Zoey were to come to AngelRose, she may never want to leave. And I could never trap her here.

  The ground shook. I lost my balance and fell backward. Sky jumped into my lap. She was shaking with fear. I hugged her. "It's okay, girl."

  An earth-shattering boom exploded to my left. Sky sank her claws into my leg. "Ow, hey," I hissed. Sky bolted into the castle two seconds later. I got up and ran toward the explosion.

  My heart was pounding in my ears. I was alone in AngelRose. What the hell was that?

  Chapter 3

  I had seen him at my window. My gothic prince had come to see me. I knew it was impossible, but he'd really been there. I was sure of it. He was real.

  I scrambled to my drawer of binders where I kept my stories. I dug for the first out of the seven binders, one for each year I'd been writing, and searched the binder for the first story I'd ever written about Eli. I'd written hundreds since then, but I remembered and could recite just about every word of this story by heart. I loved Eli almost as much, if not more at times, than Jake. Eli was so much more dangerous than my current boyfriend.

  I was reading the part where Eli let Grace, his sweetheart and the female main character, buy a motorcycle. Jake would never think of letting me near a motorcycle, whereas Eli would let me drive it and be yelling at me to stop driving like a granny and gun it. I loved the safety Jake provided, but craved the danger Eli represented. The decision just became harder, knowing Eli wasn’t just a fantasy choice anymore. If I could find him, that is.

  The way to AngelRose had always been unclear to me. I had tried to write how my characters would get there at least a hundred times, but nothing ever seemed right. AngelRose was an inexplicable mystery within itself. I’d written about that dreamlike paradise thousands of times in the seven years since I’d begun writing, but it was like you had to be there to fully understand it. I wanted very badly to get that chance.

  A knock at my bedroom door made me jump. “Come in,” I said, half-expecting it to be a demon from AngelRose coming to swallow me up.

  “Zoey, is everything okay? You sound like you were expecting a monster.” My real boyfriend, Jake Thomas, who was harmless as a toothpick compared to most of the demons and Shadow beings in AngelRose, walked in carrying a box of chocolates and a teddy bear.

  “Valentine’s Day already? Did I sleep through my whole summer?” I chuckled. With the sleep I had last night, I was almost afraid I very well could have.

  “Not quite, more like a ‘happy first-day-of-summer’ gift,” Jake hugged me one-handed. I set the box on my bedside table and the bear on my bed.

  “Thanks, Jake. You’re so sweet,” I gave him a big hug and a kiss.

  He smiled. “Have you gotten any news from colleges you’ve applied to, yet?”

  “No,” I cuddled against him, his muscled chest reminding me of the football scholarship that was helping him get into college. It was a full scholarship to Yale. Jake was adamant about college and was hoping I’d come to Yale with him.

  I still wasn’t sure. My senior year had been all about college. I wanted to go to an arts school to help further my career as a writer and an artist. I’d applied to several art schools near Yale or at least within reasonable driving distance. I hadn’t heard from any yet, but I was hopeful. Spending the summer with Eli was on my mind now since it possibly could happen. It seemed much more fun than browsing for colleges.

  Jake was good to me. I loved him, but he didn’t understand my passion for writing, why I insisted on sitting up front in English, why I liked looking at pictures instead of graphs, preferred books instead of complicated calculations. He was a left-brain. I was a right-brain. He loved math. I hated it. I listened for stories in songs while he concentrated more on the beat. We were both kidding ourselves thinking we could ever be real boyfriend and girlfriend. We’d been dating for three months. The surprises I got from him were nice, but real love wasn’t there. We were trying to make it work, but I doubted it would ever be something serious. It was nice not to be alone, though.

  “Jake, have you ever seen something, something you knew wasn’t there, couldn’t be there, but somehow it was?” I asked.

  He thought for a moment. “Like when I’m half-asleep? Yeah, sure, all the time.”

  “I saw Eli,”

  “Eli who? That character you’re always going on about? Eli Cross, is that who you saw?” Jake hugged me. “I think you’ve had one too many late-night writing sessions, Zoe,”

  I punched his shoulder lightly. “I know it sounds crazy, but I saw him.” Jake continued to look at me like I had just grown three heads and a tail.

  “Do you need to refill your meds?” His eyes darted to the empty bottle on my nightstand. “Zoey, you might still need them.”

  “I do not need pills!” I said. “I’ve been off them for days!”

  “But if you’re having those strange dreams again…”

  I looked him straight in his pretty green eyes. “I do not need them. I can’t write when I’m on them. I can’t paint. I’m all doped up and I can’t think straight.”

  He tried to hug me again, but I didn’t let him. “They calm you down.”

  I turned away. I was on those pills for two years after my nightmares got so bad I was screaming in my sleep every night. My sophomore and junior years of high school were terrible. I was able to interact and function normally, but my initiative to write was gone. I no longer wanted to paint either. My brain felt fuzzy all the time. I was tired all the time too. Nothing interested me on those pills. I was never going back on them.

  “Okay, Zoey, but just know I’m here for you if you ever decide to get back on them or if you just want to talk.” Jake kissed the top of my head and left.

  I didn’t say anything. I was already too involved in a story. The pills were never going to take that away from me again. They would never separate me from Eli again.

  Chapter 4

  I had searched all of AngelRose, but hadn't found the source of the booming sound. It hadn't gone off since, so I'd decided to just shrug it off. I walked around the familiar island so many times I could walk blindfolded and still end up where I wanted to be. My favorite spot was the cliff overlooking the gray ocean at the end of the forest. I sat there presently.

  I swung my legs over the edge. The familiar feeling of nothing under my feet calmed me. Zoey would make me happy. I scoffed. Happy. That was a word I hadn't used in so long I was surprised I remembered its meaning. Eli Cross did not do happy. It wasn't a word to describe his existence. It wasn't a word he deserved to use.

  Pain. Darkness. Suffering. Now those were words he could use. I chuckled. I often used third person when describing myself. It made it hurt less, not using first person pronouns. It made it less real. But it was real. Every sad detail.

  I lived in darkness. AngelRose was the ultimate darkness. A sort of ironic, beautiful version of Hell. There was no denying there was a sense of beauty in AngelRose. A gothic's dream-world. Its very essence the beauty and sadness of death. Nothing grew here except for the rose garden in the east, the direction Zoey lived in. At least it would be if AngelRose existed in the world. AngelRose and everything in it existed in a different realm just beyond the scope of human understanding. Only Zoey could see it for what it truly was.

  She loves Jake. She'll never love you. Admit it, Eli. Her heart belongs to another. Even if she comes here, she'll still love him. You know it. You've always known. Quit fooling yourself. The voice said.

  "No! She does love me!" I shouted. A flash of lighting was my only response. I clenched my fists. For eighteen years, I'd lived with this curse. The curse that forbid me to leave AngelRose. I was six when I finally had to live here alone. Being able to watch Zoey was the only tie to reality I had. My mother and father were happy to give me up. They never wanted me. They knew the demon inside me spelled evil and darkness. I couldn't be allowed to live in normal society. I was too dangerous. I had to be locked away. All
I was was the Devil's son. No one was safe around me. I learned that very well the day my sister died. My brother shortly after. I could still hear my mother's screams.

  "Eli! Stop! Stop this now!" My father commanded.

  I turned toward him, never feeling more dangerous, more powerful, in my life. My power, like a dark cloak, whipped around me, shifting and twisting the air. My dead sister lay at my feet, her blue eyes wide with a terror no four-year-old should know. My brother huddled in the corner against the wooden toy box. It was ironic, the toy box being there, a symbol of long distant happiness neither of my siblings would ever know again.

  "They deserve to die!" I let out a laugh that seemed too mature and, altogether, too evil for a six-year-old boy to produce. I was drunk on power. No one was going to stand in my way. No one could tell me what to do. No one could take that away from me. For a six-year-old boy like me the thought of no authority was too tempting to resist. I let my power fuel my desire.

  "Please, Eli, please! Let mommy help you!" My poor mother was in tears. My power prevented anyone from getting near me. My brother, Timmy, was struggling to breathe. I sent all of my power crashing down on him and he let out a bloodcurdling scream. His limp body fell silent, his green eyes mirroring the look of terror in my sister Tabitha's eyes.

  "No...Eli, baby....why?" My mother slumped against the doorframe, her hand covering her mouth, tears spilling from her eyes like rain. My father looked ready to murder me. I had never been his son. He had never loved me. He'd always secretly wanted to kill me and now he had valid reason to. He had always sensed the darkness inside me. I was nothing to him. And I had just taken away his family.

  All I can remember after that was my father banishing me and then waking up here in AngelRose. I can't even remember why I'd killed Timmy and Tabitha. I was the one who deserved to die, and the fact that AngelRose made that impossible, only made me crave it more.